In the Footsteps of No One

As a mother of twins I have the unique opportunity to watch the growth and development of two people at the same time. They are two little persons born two minutes apart and born from the same parents. However with some much in common, with DNA, and only 11 months old they are vastly different.

My little girl is quiet, calm… but very adventurous! She plays nicely by herself and if I don’t keep the doors shut in our apartment she will wander into dark rooms and even bathrooms. My son however is loud and energetic and seems to be very much a people person. He has to be around people. He will stay close by my side or his daddy when at home. He’ll never wander into a dark room without the company of another person, even though his twin sister will.

These differences go down to the way and timing they have learned to crawl. My little boy, even though less adventurous, has done everything first from being born to most of their development. He has rolled over first, crawled first and pulled himself on furniture first. When he was learning to crawl it almost looked like he was doing the butterfly stroke out of water, both arm pulling and flapping forward to get his to those coveted Cheerios. With his sister she crawled much later and preferred the one-armed army crawl, one arm to pull forward the other to reach and direct. But now they are both on their hands and knees crawling, going this way and that.

A Stare down when they looked alike

They took two different ways and got to the same end result. Again, these are twins being reared by the same parents. These kinds of differences seem to have been prepackaged in them from before they came down from heaven.

From what I noticed, and learned differences in families don’t only exist in my twins.

Again, reared by the same church going parents, my brothers and I are very different. My oldest brother and I are poles apart. He preferred a different path than attending church. He is more artistically and musically talented than I could even dream to be and has chosen to be a tattoo artist. My other brother, even though more similar in personality our career paths are very different. I chose to get my bachelor degree in theatre and writing while his bachelor degree is in business and holds an office job at a cable company.

Not stopping at my family let’s look at my husband’s siblings. As the youngest of five I have seen great differences in each of them. Even though I haven’t been married to my husband that long and haven’t gotten to know my in-laws very well these are the differences I’ve seen already. One brother is very much into sports, another is more reserved, engineer, one sister has strong leadership capabilities and the other sister has a great mind, and works a lot with her husband in his family and marriage therapy practice, while my husband is the people person, business man. He is more energetic than his whole family and often explodes with questions of curiosity about the scriptures.

These five people were raised in the same household, came from the same church-going parents, but each have taken their own path in life, and are raising their families in different ways. (Even My second brother and I are raising our families differently.)

No one is less than the other, neither ways are wrong; it’s what is needed in that family.

For example my husband and I love Christmases with lots and lots of family, the more the merrier. Whereas with my husband’s sister and her family they enjoy a quieter, more intimate Christmas with a few family members at a time. Which way to spend Christmas is better? I say neither. It’s just two different paths to get to the same goal, spending Christmas with family.

As mine and my husband’s family grows; I look forward to watching what unique paths our children will take. What kind of unique personalities they have and will come with that will add to our family. I hope they make their own tracks in life and venture out and explore as they figure out who they really are.

My job as a parent is to help them become who they really are in the eyes of the Lord. In a book I am enjoying called Captivating it says this about mothering:

“Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it” (Proverbs 22:6). This verse is not a promise about faith. It is not speaking of training a child to follow Christ or promising that if you do, the grown child will continue to follow him. Sorry. The proverb is about raising a child to know who he is and to guide him in becoming even more himself. In the way he should go. Not in the way you would like him to go… it speaks of teaching a child to live from his heart, attuned to it, awake to it, aware of it, the heart. It is about seeing who a person really is and calling him out to be that person.

(Captivating John & Stasi Elderedge pg. 179)

I agree with about 99% of this section. I feel that this scripture doesn’t have to have one meaning, I mean the parables of Jesus has layers of meaning, so why not the Book of Proverbs? Yes, it’s about faith and good morals, and teaching those morals to your children, but it’s also as the authors said, helping our children become who they are meant to blossom into, who Heavenly Father intended them to become. It’s not my job, or anyone’s job to decide who they will become. It’s our job to be there for them and teach them all they need to know.

Just because we come from our parents doesn’t mean we ought to walk the same path as them. I’ve been told I look a lot like my mom, but just because I look like her doesn’t mean I am her. Our personalities and talents are our own and quite a bit different.  Just because the children aren’t exactly like their parent doesn’t mean either person is less of a person. Nor are our parents bad parents because the only way we are like them is mainly by looks. Sure there are some similarities, but each of us is our own person with our own capabilities and ability to choose for ourselves who we want to be. We are all on different paths with difference challenges, all with the same goal, to be able to be worthy to return to live with our Heavenly Father.