How We've Stayed Sane

“All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy.” We all, or majority of the human population know this saying, or have heard some version of it. My husband has a similar way of thinking. He has this philosophy about how to live life; it’s a good one and really thinking on it I feel has helped us stay relatively sane in these very difficult months (six to be exact). It is, “Work hard, play hard.” He has others, but I’m only going to go into this one right now.

He feels living this way you get a more complete life, it’s balanced. When you work hard you get to play hard. And my husband does. He works himself to the bone each week at a job he is over qualified for because he can’t fine descent work that allows him to use his Bachelors in Business. But, nevertheless he works what jobs he can to keep a roof over our heads, food on our table and continue to make payments on the only car we have. He also donates plasma so we have gas money and is trying to get his own business up and running, and that’s not even going into when he helps out with household chores and with the twins. Some weeks I wonder how he survives to the weekends. I believe it’s this god-given extra energy he has that keeps him going. My husband possibly has twice the normal energy given to most humans.

Like I said my husband works hard, but like all people he needs balance. On the weekends, and whatever spare moments there are in the week we find something fun to do. Before the kids came we would go hiking up in the mountains. Lately we’ve been using free passes to visit local museums and the zoo. When he gets the chance, my husband will go play basketball with some guys from church. At church picnics he would come home sore because he played too hard at Ultimate Frisbee.

Living this way my husband has helped me to not just work hard, but balance out by finding the equal amount of fun as well. When I was still going to college I had gotten better grades when my husband was in my life, he inspired me to work harder. Now that I’m done with my husband has made it possible for me to be able to focus on my two careers, being a mother and being a writer.

Now, many maybe asking by now, “How can this ‘work hard; play hard’ philosophy keep you sane?”

Well, since my husband has been working nights I am the one who is usually caring for our kids majority of the time. He sleeps a few hours in the day, and job hunts and other such business stuff several of the remaining hours in the day. This doesn’t leave for much family time in the day, or even time for just the two of us, either. We are all hard at work taking care of each other. Even the kids are hard at work figuring out how to operate their little bodies.

If we continue like this day in and day out someone will explode and end up in a room with padded walls. So, on the weekends we stop, take a breather and remind ourselves why life is worth living. Jon gets to goof off with the kids, we enjoy movies from the library, visit friends and if the weather is good we find reasons to go outside. If family is in town my husband loves to see his nieces and nephews and hang out and goof off with them for they are the younger siblings he never got to have.

Then when Monday comes we take a deep breath and dive right back in ready to take on the world again, or as ready as we’ll ever be.

I’ve seen it when we work hard and leave no time for anything else. I made that big mistake once. One day I tried to do laundry (wash, dry and fold), the dishes, take care of kids and make dinner and more, all while my husband was sleeping during the day. The end result was him missing work because I about nearly exploded. My goal was to try and serve my husband and have him wake up to a clean, organized home where everything was done. That night I learned my limitations. I can’t do everything, but I do what I can is enough, as my husband reminds me often; and I have to remind him of it as well.

I also know hard moments in life don’t last forever, even though it may feel like it and feels even longer because you don’t know when it will end most of the time. I do know that I am not alone in this I am surrounded with help from around and even from above.

Every Christmas Counts




Growing up making sugar cookies was a Christmas tradition in my family. I don’t know how it got started. But what I do know was my mom’s sugar cookies were the best!

With my sister years ago...

Then my mom passed away and somehow the tradition of sitting around the kitchen table frosting and sprinkling colored sugar on the cookies my mom made was no more. I really didn’t take noticed until Christmas Eve this year as my husband and I worked in the kitchen making sugar cookies. I made the dough the previous day and we just had to cut out the cookies, bake and decorate them.

Traditionally my mom had various cookie cutter shapes for Christmas; candy cane, bells, stars, Christmas trees, etc… but for us, we haven’t accumulated such things yet, so out cookies were cut out using a plastic cup. But my husband and I sat at our kitchen table and we frosted them and sprinkled colored sugar on them. I hope next year my twins will be up there with us sprinkling colored sugar on the frosted sugar cookies.

Now, as I was making these cookies I realized the last time I had sugar cookies at Christmas was my last Christmas with my mom back in 2007. It wasn’t just that the cookie making tradition stopped, but the traditional cookies seemed to have stopped when my mom wasn’t around anymore.

My nephew when he was little



 I don’t wish to sound sad at the happiest time of the year and I don’t wish to be pitied either. But thinking about my mom I realized that you never know when your last Christmas with a family member will be. Sure I will see my mom again, like every Christian I believe I will see all my loved ones again. But our time in this mortal life is so short and goes by in a blink of an eye and our world can change so easily that making the most of each moment and each holiday really matters.



This was my children’s first Christmas. I’ll never get that again. I’ll never have another Christmas where my husband and I were parents for the first time. There may not have been a lot under our tree this year. My kids won’t remember this Christmas, but I will.



My sister helping my dad

When it’s my turn to go home to heaven I want my mind to be full of loud, full Christmases, full of family, full of children anxiously waiting by the Christmas tree since 5am waiting to open their presents from Santa Claus.
I want holidays thick with family tradition and full of family and love. I want every year to have people around my kitchen table decorating sugar cookies because I’ve realized every Christmas counts in my book and I don’t want to have any regrets on any of them.

One Miracle at a Time

Long, long ago, in possibly my middle school time, I read this poem whos concept has stuck with me all these years. I don’t remember much about it just that it was about a mother and daughter talking after the death of the father and husband. The daughter asks “How will we survive?” And paraphrasing horribly the mother pretty much says “One day at a time.”

That’s kind of how it’s been for my family these past few months.

Now, don’t worry, nothing horribly tragic has happen to us, thank goodness. But, to keep a long story short my husband hasn’t had the best of luck with work. It hasn’t been an easy past four months. More often than not we had to take one day, and a few times one moment at a time. Sometimes I would have loved to have traded these months for prosperity and the assurance that a good job brings… sometimes I don’t.

It is said that retrospect is 20/20. Things become clearer about your life after you’ve gone through it. You can see the forest for the trees. Looking back right now I still don’t understand why my family and I have to go through this difficult time, but I can see that we’ve actually done really well.

Some days it feels like I don’t know how we are going to get through it all, bills, babies, more bills, sickness, horrible jobs, rough nights, and so on. Then the next day comes and we’ve made it through that day. Often with snatches of sleep and on the brink of sanity, but we survived by some miracle.

When October ended I was looking at our calendar at all the recorded milestones of our twins, appointments, and events I realized how much we have achieved, survived and witnessed just within that month alone.

My little girl was showing signs of developmental delay in her large motor skills. You see, at the end of September she hadn’t rolled over yet. Then in the middle of October, with help of physical therapy exercises she had finally rolled over, both ways. Her brother was leaving her in the dust when it came to large motor skills. I was afraid she was going to be far behind due to her and her brother being premature. I’ve just had learned that she does things on her own pace- much unlike her me growing up. (I didn’t learn to ride a two wheeler bike until I was eight-years-old)

Now, as each month passed kids are soaring along and bills were being paid because we had the money because of the generosity of an unknown person or people helping us along.

These past months sacrifices have had to be made as we’ve survived one miracle at a time. Sometimes I don’t know how we've been so blessed; we still have a roof over our heads, a good running car, our health (no counting the ocassional colds that come with winter) and we have gained several new talents and have gained a gratitude for the help we’ve received, the smaller things.

We’ve had to be humbled and reach out for help- which isn’t easy for us. For my husband and I, it’s important to us to be self-sufficient, but we exactly can’t do that right now if we want to survive. It has been a humbling experience. I just hope we can pay it forward or back all the kindness we’ve received.

And like I said we have gained new skills along the way because of this hard time. A few times I’ve had to improvised dinners with what I could scrap together in our cabinets. Several times I’ve created meals that are now our favorites. I learned to make soup, homemade noodles, spaghetti sauce, tortillas, and bread. I have learned how to patch up clothes, entertain my kids with things around the house; since we can’t go and buy a bunch of toys, and much more…

Now, I’m not writing this blog for people to feel sorry for us; that is far from my intent. I want to tell people who may be going through something similar or will go through something similar that it is possible to survive, even when the end is not in sight.

Just take one day at a time and you will be taken care of one miracle at a time just as we have.

             

I Remembered What My Mom Said...

I know, I know… I haven’t been great at keeping up with this blog. Life has gotten in the way. Well in all honesty my hands have been full. It’s been a year since I last posted something. I even had a list of topics I wanted to write about. I might post them later.

You see a few months after my last post I found out I was pregnant. Also, my last post was during my second to last semester at college. So in under a year I crammed in finishing school, moving and having babies.

No, that wasn’t a typo. Four months ago my husband and I were given two babies, twins, a boy and a girl. They came a little too early and that provided its own challenges, but I won’t go into, at least right now.

They are home and doing fantastic!

What I want write about is a funny little experience I had not long after our twins were born.

Since our babies came a little too early they had to spend some time in the hospital to get ready to face the world. And due to that fact we did a lot of commuting for a few weeks from home to the hospital.

It was on one of these commuting trips that this event I am getting to occurred.

My husband and I were driving back home after spending some time in the hospital with our children were driving alongside a school bus when I looked up and saw a boy, no older than twelve scowling at me while he was flipping me off.

I knew the boy was looking for a reaction and that he was trying to appear tough, like all boys try to do. I thought about how to respond when I remembered my mom telling me years ago, “When someone flips you off on the road or is rude give  them the I love you sign or the peace sign.”

So that’s what I did!

I gave the boy a smile and held up the “I love you” sign and held it there while the boy held his scowl and kept up his middle finger for several long moments. It was like a silent competition.

I won.

The boy put down his hand and a bashful smile came over his face ad he turned back around. His plan was thwarted.

It made me smile how the moment turned out.

I could have gotten mad at the boy flipping me off and complain about, “the children of today.” But I tried something different and fought fire with a little bit of kindness.

And the Floods Came In: Fighting for my Home

I had a completely different blog planned; it was to be a part two for my Women’s Woman blog, but then in came the flood.

Many of you may have heard about the flood in Colorado, well my husband and I were part of that. Luckily we weren't right in the middle of it the worst parts. We did several inches of water pouring into our apartment that we had to fight off. While doing this I had a bit of an allegory for this came to mind.

For you to understand this, let me start at the beginning….
It was Thursday morning and I was about to attempt to go to school, even though it was pouring outside. I had a Math quiz at 9:30 am and I didn't want to make it up later. So, I put a coat, put on shoes I didn't care about getting wet, placed a towel over my backpack and trudged out into the rain. Now, I don’t drive to school, I commute via bus and train and to get to my bus stop I need to cross a busy street. I came upon this street and it was gone. The street was a fast moving river of water- I could see the current rushing past. I debated whether to try and cross and get to school. That was when I had several scenarios run through my head of what could happen if I tried crossing and none of them were good. I went home and told my husband, “I don’t feel like crossing the Nile River today.”

In the end he stayed home as well and we spent the day mopping up the water pouring into the front of our apartment and using his boss’s shop vacuum. We were at work fighting off the oncoming waters from 8 am- 4 pm.

Towards the end of the day the water had stopped rising and we could rest a bit before getting back to work. Before that one of us was squeezing out towels that we had lined against the wall. The other would be using the shop vacuum mainly on the carpet. It was hard work, but we weren't about to let that water into our home.

In the middle of all this I felt like my husband and I were fighting for our home. Yes, were fight off the flood waters, but it kind of reminded me how the world likes to invade the home and ruin what you have created. Just as the water could have ruined our carpet, furniture and books if we hadn't been attentive and stopped it.

In that one day we had vacuumed up over 100 gallons of water, and that’s not even measuring the water we squeezed from our towels. But we were determined to keep this force at bay and keep our home safe.

Problems and trials and hard times sneak their way into our home, even when we do our best to keep our home and family safe. My husband and I love our apartment, as small and quirky it is- it’s our home and place of refuge.

When that flood came we were fighting for our home in almost the same way we fight the world out of our home. Sometimes it’s all we can do to keep the problem at bay and all hands on deck are need to not sink. Sometimes we can step back and take a breather, reinforce our strength before diving back in and fighting the problem off. But, if we don’t keep an eye on it, it can leak back into our home or even find a new place to enter.

When we thought we had it all under control we found water leaking in from the neighboring apartment that is currently vacant. Back to work we went.

We had neighbors, from the last flood, which had to move because the damage was too great; I didn’t want to end up like that. I felt if we had to move that our fighting would be in vain. We worked hard to not keep us safe, but our home safe.

I’ve seen it in the world where people gave up the fight for their home and let the world stream right in and they wonder why they can’t find any peace. Or they move, hoping to find peace again. They don’t fight because they are tired of fighting.

We were certainly tired from the fight and could barely keep up with fighting off the water when a friend came with more towels. We traded out our soaked things for fresh towels to do the work our towels couldn’t keep up with anymore.

“Ask and ye shall receive knock and it shall be open unto you,” that’s what it says in the scriptures. Help did not come until we asked. Reinforcements won’t know you need help until you call out for help. (But of course it’s good to ask when see a friend losing their fight.)

Accomplished: A Women's Woman

Men look to those who are called a “Man’s Man,” such as Indiana Jones, James Bond, Han Solo, Russell Crowe in Gladiator and Mel Gibson from Braveheart and many of those superheroes. They see these men in movies or read about them and view that as being a man.

-         Tough, as in able to hold his own in a fight

-         Loyal to his friends and the woman he is with

-         Smart

-         Wants to fight or stand up for what is right or good

These men all have very clear qualities. Women on the other hand that answer wasn’t so clear. So, when I was presented with the question of who or what a Women’s Woman is I found I needed to do some research and may need a little more definition. The ladies we discussed try to lead their lives, it would seem, in ways that magnify their natural grace and show their accomplishments or talents.

And in my research of finding who the Women’s Women are and what traits they all had in common I was reminded of this scene from Jane Austen’s book Pride and Prejudice:

Bingley- Well, I think it’s amazing you young ladies have the patience to be so accomplished.

Caroline- What do you mean Charles?

Bingley- You all paint tables and play the piano and embroider cushions. I never heard of a young lady, but people say she is accomplished.

Darcy- The word is indeed applied too liberally. I cannot boast of knowing more than half a dozen women in all my acquaintance that are truly accomplished.

Caroline-  Nor I, to be sure.

Elizabeth- Goodness… You must comprehend a great deal in the idea.

Darcy- I do.

Caroline- Absolutely… She must have a thorough knowledge of music, singing, drawing, dancing and the modern languages, to deserve the word… And something in her air and manner of walking.

Darcy- And, of course, she must improve her mind by extensive reading.

Elizabeth- I’m no longer surprised at your knowing only six accomplished women. I rather wonder now at your knowing any.

Darcy- Are you so severe on your own sex?

Elizabeth- I never saw such a woman. She would certainly be a fearsome thing to behold.

You’re probably wondering why I was reminded on this insignificant scene of one of the most well known and beloved stories by women. Well, you’ll understand pretty soon.

I did get a wide range of answers from women like Audrey Hepburn, Xena Warrior Princess, Princess Kate Middleton, Wonder Woman, etc. But the qualities and traits that appeared the most that were had by the kind of women that appear even in the outliers had some similar traits as well. All-in-all they were, using the word from the Victorian Era, “accomplished.”

You see, when a young lady was accomplished in the Victorian Era in America and Europe it meant she had many skills that helped her become connected and be respected in society. Her skills would often precede her allowing her to do well in the world.

Now, I, being a lover of words, looked up the word accomplished and was led this definition, “proficient as the result of practice or training… Having social accomplishments.”

After reading this definition I had the idea that it’s “ladies” who are considered accomplished; so I looked up the word lady and found: “A woman of refinement.”

I then wondered what the dictionary had to say about the word refine. I found this under to refine, “to improve… to free from what is coarse, vulgar or uncouth.”

This led me to come to the conclusion that an accomplished lady is one that tries to improve herself and become better than what she was or is and possibly tries to be her best self and to smooth her rough edges, avoids vulgarity. It’s not that she seeks perfection, but she has that drive to seek out to become more.

No one can be perfect in this life (excluding Jesus Christ himself), but most have that drive to better themselves and be accomplished if not in many things but in something.

This drive is what I found in common among the names given to me as examples of a Women’s Woman. They all were or are talented and done well in their field of choice.

-Audrey Hepburn: A talented, classy actress who started the timeless trend of that “little black dress” that is a must have for all women.

- Kate Middleton: fashionably modest princess of our day.

- Marjorie Hinckley: An excellent example of a mother and wife to the former President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.

- Hermione Granger: The fictional young lady from the Harry Potter Series who is clever, loyal, brave and well-loved by all fans of this series.

- Maggie Smith: The skilled actress who seems to be amazing at every character she plays.

Others that were mentioned were Julie Andrews, Sandra Bullock, Mandy Moore, as well as Anne Romney. Some fictional women are Elizabeth Bennet, Jane Eyre and Dr. Jane Gray.

            Some notable qualities the all possess are:

-         Talented

-         Kind-hearted

-         Graceful

-         Classy

-         Quiet Strength

-         Comfortable with who they are

-         Loyal to family and friends

-         Clean image

I can go on and list more women, but then that would be redundant. There are many other note-worthy and great women who are talented and made something of themselves, in politics and in other fields such as, art, sports, etc. These appeared the most.

I’m not saying we ought to model ourselves after these ladies or even worship them, but I am admitting that they seem to be on the track to something good. Why is it that people seek out to know about these ladies of fame and fortune? Why is it that Clothes Company try to copy their style so people can dress like them? We are drawn to them, we see things in them that we want; talent, confidence, classiness, gracefulness.

Now, I’m not saying these ladies have it all together in their private lives, but they can hold themselves together and not spill their private problem out for all to see, at least they seem to try. They have this quiet strength that helps them move forward.

We as women, I’ll have to admit that we, in some way big or small, we are drawn to these ladies. We are drawn to the same way the men are drawn to their action stars and heroes. We want to know about them and how they came to be who they are. We want to know their thoughts on certain subjects. It’s even true for the everyday ladies in our lives.  Think of that friend or woman you admire because they have this certain way about them that draws people to them in a good way.

It can be said about these ladies, “They light up a room simply by entering it”.  In our hearts we want to be like that. I’m not saying we want to be popular or famous. We want to be talented, strong (but not course), graceful, confident, and timeless. We all want that moment even if it is just once where when we enter the room and we light it up.

The sad part of all of this is that most of us don’t think that this will ever happen to us; that we will ever reach this point. Doubt, our own lack of faith in ourselves and the world tries to prevent us from getting there. The world tries to make this ideal seem unreachable or not something that ought to be reached. These ideas turn women the other directions. On one extreme of the spectrum women could turn harsh and controlling or on the other end, where we think we are untalented or the only talent is catching guy’s attention.

Think about it, there are the “strong” business or political women who have that masculinity about them, as they try to leave their femininity behind assuming that is a weakness. The other women on the other spectrum they are sex symbols. Pamela Anderson’s only obvious skill was able to look good while running down a beach. There are also women, like Paris Hilton, who are famous because of their looks or they have successful parents. In the end these women are just girls, making a mockery of what it means to be a woman.

I’ve seen this in women today, ordinary women. Women who think they have to be “strong” and independent and not let anyone in, leaving behind their gracefulness. Then the other women who think the only thing they assume they are good at is looking pretty and/or drawing in the attentions of guys.

These girls don’t have much in the way of hobbies or developed talents. I’ve seen them many times in my life. Ask them what they are good at or what they like to do and the kind of respond they will give is something like, “I dunno…”

What many people don’t realize is that when someone is good at something confidence comes with that. Women who find their worth beyond guys and within themselves are on their way to becoming a Woman’s Woman.

Safe Place

It’s been said to be peaceful and “…turn the other cheek…” as Christians, but what many people don’t know  is that God wants us to be warriors for we are in enemy’s territory when we are in the world.

            In Ephesians 6:11-17,

“Put on the whole armor of God that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; and your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.”

So, weeks ago we were discussing this scripture in a Sunday School for women in my church. We talked about this scripture, to use it as a tool to stand in holy places. We aren’t to just to idly stand by to let the hard world beat down on our different morals, but we are to find strength in the symbolic armor of God and stand in safe places.

            Well, in this Sunday School class I made a comment about how, my husband and I like to keep our home safe, so when we come home we can take off our armor and rest. After I made this comment the teacher declared, “No! Never take of the armor!”

            I tried to explain my thoughts by saying something along the lines of, “…of getting away to a place where we don’t have to fight all the time.”

Now, like many times before, the right words have come to me.

            Like in any war there is armor, we where something to protect our body. But like any armor it won’t hold up forever, it won’t protect us from hits always. Like in any war there are safety points, home bases where the soldiers can rest, heal from their wounds and repair their armor. Even in a child’s game of tag we create a “home base” to catch our breath.

            Now to recap about the symbolic armor of God there is…

-          Girt our loins with truth

-          Breastplate of righteousness

-          Shod our feet with preparation of the gospel of peace

-          Shield of faith

-          Helmet of salvation

-          Sword of the Spirit

Each piece of this armor and with its weapons is needed to protect us and fight off the attacks of the Adversary and those who fight for him. But in any battle with any soldier repairs are needed to protect our heart and stay standing strong. Even a sword needs sharpening.

Yet, fighting again and again gets tiring and our sword can get dull. So what can a person do to regain strength? Go to a safe place.

“In the fear of the Lord is strong confidence: and his children shall have a place of Refuge,” Proverbs 14:26

            In any war of any kind a safe place is needed, as I have said before. For me in this war against THE Enemy my safe place, my refuge, isn’t just church, but my home. My husband and I want to come home and take off our defenses, take time to repair our armor.

            How do we repair our armor? Well, for us personally there are a few things we do.

·         We spend time together, just us. We talk about our day, the good and even the bad stuff. We swap stories and even jokes. We’ve been known to exchange some of the corniest jokes (I will spare you on telling them to you).

·         We have our time that we call alone, but together time. We may be in the same room but we are doing different things. For an example as I am typing this my husband is studying the scriptures.

·         Studying the scriptures (both alone and together). This is to better understand what God wants to do and achieve. This strengthens our faith as well.

·         We love a clean home. Yes, it gets messy at times and we aren’t neat freaks either; but we feel a strong sense of peace when things are in order.

·         We serve each other. Strangely enough we’ve even fought over who gets to do the dishes. We both don’t like it and we know if we take the other person’s day of doing dishes we are serving that person.

·         One of the biggest things that keep our home a safe place is we limit how the world gets into our home. For us and our home, we choose not to have cable and internet. We are even rather particular with what kind of movies we let into our home. (We’ve both thrown out a few movies from our collection- and we are BIG movie fans).

 “But how do you live like that? So cut off from the world?” some of you may ask. It was hard at first, at least for me, I can’t speak for my husband. But I’ve gotten use to it. It’s better for me to keep the world away like that for I am rather addicted to television and surfing the internet.

            To close this out I want to end with story from my past. I was born into a good Christian home, but I didn’t have my own zeal to go until I was about 13 or 14. Since then I would get spiritually filled every Sunday at church, but by the time the next Sunday would come around I would be empty, I would be filling low. I often called myself, a cup with holes. It wasn’t until I was 21 that I realized what was missing. I would combat the world for six days without rest, combating it even in my home and then by Sunday my armor would be weaken and I would be exhausted. I wasn’t stepping back from the fight to my safe place, because I didn’t build one up outside of church.

            Even now I am stilling learning about building a safe place for me, my husband and always have for visitors and for our children in the future.

            I doubt anyone who isn’t religious will be reading this, but I could be wrong, I don’t mind being wrong. But those who don’t seek the same beliefs I do I am sure you too need a safe place to recover from the fight. The world is a hard place to live in and we can’t do it alone and we definitely can’t do it ALL the time.